El Hierro and the feeling of separation from my twin


I was excited to hop on the ferry and be out there in the deep blue ocean between the islands! The ferry ride is 2 hours and 45 minutes from Los Cristianos, Tenerife to Valverde, El Hierro. Some people say you can spot dolphins on the way which I was even more excited about!

You can watch a short video of my ferry journey here:

It was very cold inside on the ferry because they ran the air-condition on low temperature despite the Sun was going down already and it was not insanely hot outside. I don't understand why people prefer it cold. There must be a way between hot and cold and not either or. I also don't understand what is people's problem with breathing natural warm air and prefer it cold unnatural? Unfortunately I am one of those who gets affected by air-con badly. My body can't adapt to this unnatural cold air flow. I don't have problem with the cold winter air but the un-fresh cold air-con air makes me ill. I don't want to breathe it! My system rebells against it. The more natural and healthier I've become with my eating habits and cosmetics over the past years, the more sensitive my system have become for toxins. Toxins in all kind. Toxic food, toxic chemicals, toxic people, toxic environment. People find solutions for everything to direct themselves away from the natural...which is we, human beings are. We are living organisms with a soul. Of course un-natural produces make us sick and make us less soulful! Toxin for the body=toxin for the soul=toxin for the mind=toxin for the gut and with that the gut feeling, right? They are all connected. As babies we received vaccinations against life-threatening bacterias and viruses not against toxin! By toxin I mean artificial supplements. I know some scientists and small businesses are working hard on finding nature friendly solutions for turning back what have created danger for humans and the Earth yet there are no regulations against introducing a new artificial poison on the market for no other useful reason than to make money. "I am pissed off! Tadaa!" as Miranda said in one scene in The Sex and The City. I loved that line and the way she said it! :)

Anyway, I survived the ferry ride with spending half the time outside with the smokers where the air was warmer and could see the top of the 3718m high Teide volcano (did you know it is an active volcano? Last erupted in 1909) in Tenerife from quite a distance and also enjoyed cruising by La Gomera, the apparently greenest Canary Island.

By the time I arrived in El Hierro it was sunset and rapidly turned dark and (again) cold which was more difficult to bare in a summer top, shorts and sandals (without socks, of course! haha). In my youtube video I go into details about how confused I felt in the dark and cold with not knowing how to get where I wanted to go. I wanted to speed things up and get in a taxi but by that time it was too late. Eventually I figured I needed to take two buses to get to Frontera bus station where my host was waiting for me but they didn't inform me that I needed to change buses. Not that they didn't want to but they don't speak English and I think they couldn't explain it. The buses are white mini vans on the island...just to confuse me more, haha! And the bus drivers don't speak English either but I could show them the locations on the map on my phone which helped them understand me.

I point out how extremely cold I started to feel. I was shaking and started to feel insecure and vulnerable at the same time. The sky turned black now and there were hardly any lights/ lamp posts in the places I was waiting with my bare tanned legs. The villages seemed quite abandoned and rural. I was not afraid of not finding my way. I knew I would figure it out no matter what. I had trust in me. I am a strong independent woman with so much growth behind me that made me confident in being who I am and what I am doing yet this time I felt like a vulnerable baby. I felt deeply lost. Lost as of not physically, however I was lost physically but somehow my soul felt extremely lost. I felt I came too far away and I wanted to turn back. I don't know what exactly made me so desperate, but if that is possible, I felt I was too far away from home. Too far away from my twin. I wanted to cry. I wanted to go back.

I lived it as a shocking experience to which similar happened to me when my twin left me in May 2016. I realised that this painful experience is probably connected to how I experienced birth as well. Dark, cold, shocking, vulnerable, feeling lost. My mum had a difficult experience with giving birth to me as I didn't want to come out. And it is possible that I didn't want to come out because I didn't want to be separated from my twin in 5D.

Dark in the birth canal.

Cold out of the womb.

Shocking due to environment changes? From 5D to 3D, from the warm womb environment to the cold hospital environment? And/or due to the something that was done to me to make me cry up

Vulnerable as all babies are.

Feeling alone/ lost without my twin.

When I came out finally, I didn't cry up which means I wasn't breathing, right? But then the doctors did something to me and I cried up and I am alive. However I am not without symptoms of this experience. I do have breathing and stomach/ digestive issues. Not serious but medically difficult to find explanation for them. I've tried and actually still trying to go deeper and deeper in seeing how my symptoms are connected and find the root of them. I noticed that my symptoms turned rapidly worse after my twin left me in the 3D. He brought back the experience I had as a newborn: not breathing (I did breathe but I was left with a suffocating tight chest breathing and tears right after he moved out from the house we shared), cold & alone (I always feel cold when I feel alone) and felt like I was in a bit of a shock for a couple of weeks. I was not quite myself. I was shattered. I noticed my vulnerability in bed in the pose I kept my thumb wrapped under my 4 fingers that I did as a baby. Many small sign. All connected. :)

Re-living the experience around my birth and being separated from my twin made me sick again just like it did when I was born. As a baby the sickness happened in a form of me throwing up my mum's milk. I am thinking my stomach might have not been strong enough to take in food as it was dealing with the feeling of shock? I experience the sickness differently now as a grown-up. I don't throw up but I can cough from the stomach that's why I cut back on acidic foods to aid my condition. It is in the stomach. What is in the stomach? Apart from the biological stuff like acid and enzymes, feelings are there. The gut feeling. Love, excitement, shock, abandonment...hold on here, look! ABanDOnMENt ~ ABDOMEN

Okay, that's interesting!

I wonder if this is a spiritual thing connected to my health, then my twin and his love should be able to heal me? The love that brings comfort in my stomach and by it the good healing chemicals are released in my body.

I am still skeptical about the spiritual powers but I am open for them definitely! I believe in the soul and "soul doctors" and the connection but I can't say I love to eat fish until I tasted fish. I am curious if I am going in the right direction with my detective mind putting the puzzle pieces together about my case. I am not expecting, I am just playing with ideas if I am close to the solution. I accept that I will find out if my twin's unconditional love heals me some way when we're in union I guess. I don't push us though. I let it evolve naturally when it is time. I also think it may be other issues connected to my stomach mystery which is connected to my mum and her feelings she experienced when she was pregnant with me. Feelings, mind, stomach, immune system, health. Again all connected and affect one another.

There is one thing I don't understand! Twin flame "experts" say that twins signed a contract before they came down to physical forms to Earth. And that we chose the experience we wanted to go through in this lifetime and we also chose our parents (not just twins but everybody chooses the energetic alignment of their parents and environment that serves their mission on Earth). Then why did I feel I was not ready? Why didn't I want to be born? Why didn't I want to be separated from my twin if we "signed the contract"?

Unsure of how it serves me or what I need to find out and why...at least not yet. Teal Swan's spiritual wisdom and healing videos on youtube have helped me to understand many things. I am still learning from her. I am very grateful for her free tuitions! I copy the link of her channel below, you can check it too.

TEAL SWAN

https://www.youtube.com/user/TheSpiritualCatalyst/about

Getting back to El Hierro. All good now. I am very happy in my new temporary home. It is a cozy, warm, soulful place with plants and animals around. The organic farm, on where my little house is, situated in between the ocean and the mountain chain which live me with awe! What a view! I feel home. I feel inspired. I feel a bit unwell after the shocking cold experience which I am healing with hand picked herbs straight from nature. You can see some photos from my first day:

And if you're interested, you can watch/ listen to my new video on arriving in El Hierro below.

Oh, and I spotted 4 dolphins from the ferry! 🐬 🐬 🐬 🐬

Thank you for reading!

Until next time! ♡