Summer on the Canary Islands
I spent the month of May on a finca helping in the garden and around the house of a German man who kept bees 🐝 and made honey. He introduced me to a little bit about the behaviour of the bees and the one thing that stuck with me is that there can not be two queens in a hive. If there are two, one will kill the other. This reminded me of the "queen rivalry" energy I was born into, which is something still in progress for me to clear from the subconscious. (I wrote about this energetic connection -something with Neptune to the Sun ephemeris at birth- in detail in my Ayahuasca on Tenerife blog, if you want to check that out.)
I was very happy to leave San Sebastian behind with the language school mess and move to a beautiful nature-esque environment with breathtaking views and peace around. My friend visited me for 3 weeks and it was more fun volunteering together and sharing the workload. I personally found the labour in the garden on the terrains very tiring and unsafe, especially walking on the narrow dirt path up and down between the house and the terraces with heavy loads of organic waste to carry. Weeding the thick, dry grass that reached up to my hip with small, outdated, manual tools in the daily heat also wore me out. This job would have suited a man better or even a woman who has a lot of physical strength. Anyway, we survived. Our host misread the dates and his relatives came a week earlier which meant we had to move out of the house and got offered to stay in a tent. Okay, we survived this too. In fact, we loved to be in the tent that was set up in the lower garden where I ended up feeling freer and more connected than inside the ramshackle house with the crowd of my host's stuff lying neglectfully around.
I got stung by a bee and also by a strange wasp during my stay and after that, I sort of developed a phobia. No matter when I heard another bee buzzing nearby, I could get very scared. In the meantime, I started to think of the bee as a spiritual animal. I knew it could mean something if they are attracted to me or stung me and I managed to find out that the Chinese, for example, used bee stings for medical purposes on acupuncture points.
My host was generous with his car that we could borrow and so we drove to explore new places on the island at the weekends. I finally got to see the infamous Budha! It was a very long drive away from La Laja and I was happy to run the wheels on so far undiscovered roads yet. I can't stress enough how excited I was to go on this adventure to meet the smiling Buda de Arguamul. "A German couple brought it from Southeast Asia, but due to its weight and the poor road conditions it stayed right at the entrance to the village and for about three years it has been another tourist attraction."
I continued my volunteer adventures with a family who had 3 small children. I remember when I arrived I felt crazy tired for like 4 days. I found it painful to get up in the mornings and I passed out for a nap in the early afternoon hours. I felt as if I had been in a different time zone. I also felt that the heavy load I was carrying on La Gomera (both physical and emotional) got released and I thought my body just needed a little time to adapt to the new energetic quality of the place and the new people around me. The mentality of my hosts and their lifestyle was very different from what I experienced on La Gomera.
I loved looking after the 3-year-old Simeon, who quickly became my little friend. He felt very much at home at my desk playing with stickers, colouring books, and water paint. I loved to hear his little feet from the distance tapping the gravel outside my studio before he 'barged in' and 'attacked' me with questions or just sat down to help himself with the colouring pens. He spoke more Spanish and Dutch and less English and Hungarian, so we had a bit of a challenging situation but we could laugh everything off. We vibed. I learned the Spanish word "besito" from him. It's a very cute story, how it happened, but I don't want to write too much so I will keep it to myself for now.
We had a thing on Saturday mornings when I drove him to Lajares to get a croissant, hang out at the market and play at the playground. We also went to the beach in El Cotillo and I repetitively took the wrong turn from the high road the way back having us do a 10-minute-detour without intention, lol.
My super cool and cozy converted container studio accommodation
Although I love Fuerteventura, this time I didn't vibe with the island as much as I had done in the past. The family wasn't quite fun and I felt alone or bored. Somehow joy was not present. The children's mum got ill at the same time I arrived and she didn't even recover fully until I was there. She had a temperature and was coughing a lot. I know the lungs as organs represent the family, and our thoughts affect the health of the lungs. By gaining insight into this family's life, I could understand why the mum fell ill but that shouldn't have been an excuse for turning away and making others pity her. She didn't care too much that I was there and she hardly spoke to me during my stay. I experienced her being moody and unhappy. The dad was more open, smiley, and helpful in his way. Generally, they were sunk in their own lives dealing with daily matters and responsibilities around the kids and they didn't seem to be interested in me as a person. They mostly saw what they can use me for.
The vibrational messages I picked up from the environment were: "Be more heart and less head. The heart gives, the head takes." And this was the message directed toward the parents. They need to reconnect with their heart in order to dissolve the weight of the low vibration.
Despite it was not very fun being here I found things to enjoy and cherish, and I was grateful for the experience. I went on small trips in the north of the island and took the ferry to Isla de Lobos. I enjoyed cuddling with the kittens and watching them play. They put a big smile on my face. And I went for discovery walks on the deserted roads in the area to admire the quirky architecture that wealthy foreigners/ new islanders grow like mushrooms.
Strangely, I developed a desire to smoke pot in this environment. I neither smoke nor drink (!!!) and this feeling really surprised me, like why would I wanna smoke marijuana now? Anyway, I didn't because I didn't meet anyone who I was brave enough to ask in spite of knowing that the island is blooming with opportunities.
This is where life began to be more exciting...and turbulent.
I flew from FUE to Gran Canaria to volunteer in a kid's summer school, which was a horrible experience, that I left after 4 days and went to a hostel instead. Then from here, I took the bus to the south to join a family living in the mountains. I looked after a little girl and was trusted with the evening meal prep. for the family. I experienced a bit of India here as the child's parents were big fans of the Indian culture. There was beautiful music and mantras blaring from the speakers at night that deepened the connection to my spiritual side.
The temperature suddenly rose on the day I was moving and the heatwave let me gasp for oxygen and perpetually die for more cold water. The volunteer accommodation was a BIG tent that was unlike any other tent I had stayed in before. I was living off-grid without internet/ wi-fi and the comfort of a flushable toilet. Although I started to use the family's toilet because my bucket didn't have a lid and the smell turned terrible in the heat.
So, July at once turned extremely hot. The mercury inside my thermometer ran all the way to the top, beyond the available 45 degrees, and just touching it would burn my fingers. I believe that if there was space, the mercury would have reached 50-55 degrees celsius easily. I had to remove my electronics from inside the tent because they overheated and I also worried that the plastic would melt or the glue would release and damage my diving kit in the unbearable heat.
I worked three hours in the mornings and then two hours in the evening. In between, I was dying. I didn't find a good place where I could cool down and I just accepted to suffer through the day sweating helplessly. First, I played with the unusual conditions and tried a sweating therapy for cleansing using the tent as a Swedish sauna. Then I came up with the idea of wrapping a damp towel around my body that kept me cool(er) and I was lying the afternoons away on the ground or painting at the little outdoor desk. I could feel my brain cells boiling to the point where I had nothing to think of. Without any friends, a car, and regular bus connections I started to feel isolated and stuck after the first week of excitement. I was very far from the beach too and the nearest town was one hour walk away through the forest on the Camino de Santiago.
The parents here, too, were going through a difficult phase in their relationship (well, the mum only) and I ended up thinking about why I am subconsciously drawn toward working with unhealthy families. The answer is that I grew up in a similarly unhealthy family. I believe Ayahuasca is still active in my vibration and brings stuff up from my subconscious to work on. I have heard of people who needed a year to understand and integrate the messages they received during the ceremony.
The child's mum was very strange. I suspected she could have had mental health issues. She was aloof, lazy and unreasonable. She was unable to carry on a conversation (or just didn't want to?), she didn't seem to care and rather spent most of her day sleeping, watching TV, or sitting on the stairs staring out of her head not speaking to anyone. She seemed depressed to me. Lifeless. I further noticed that her sense of judgment was disturbingly mindless. I will never forget the day when we were sitting at the table dining and I spotted one of the cats walking toward us with her tummy cut open. I immediately put the fork down and stood up to approach her while explaining to them what I saw. The father followed me and told me quickly that this morning he took the cat to the vet to sterilize her, which made me understand why I saw what I saw. The father and I were then walking around anxiously in the dark looking for the cat while the mother continued eating her dinner without remorse. When the cat turned up again, about 15 minutes later, her guts were already hanging out from her belly. The father and I grabbed her with a sudden move, wrapped her in a towel, jumped in the car, and drove off to the pet emergency. Two days later the cat was back but needed to be in quarantine and on medication. The mother did not care how the cat was doing or helped to look after her. This nonchalant attitude was her trademark.
The three families I met in the summer had one thing in common: unhappy mothers. Mothers who couldn't smile. Mothers who were tired of their lives. Mothers who have lost their identities for the sake of serving a role that patriarchal society expects from them. The roles that we see in fairytales, which btw were written by men centuries ago, and we, women still follow the dream that men created for us. Also, the fairytales only show us the details until the prince and princess get married but we have no insight into how they manage their connection or how they feel after their love for each other fades. It is taken care of with the sentence: "They lived happily ever after", which doesn't teach us how to communicate, how to make efforts, or how to respect each other's needs and boundaries.
Women! What do YOU want? What do you really want? Think about it and start doing all of it.
Who do you want to be? If you had the chance to get rid of the expectation of others...if no one was around you, no one would influence you or judge you, who would you be? That's the person you need to connect with and let it free. That's the real you. Think about it and start to be it.
"Most of us are in the relationship for survival purposes."
It's important that women should find themselves before they settle down with a man and/or bear a child. Children pick up on their parents' vibrations (mental, emotional, physical state) and connect them to love. Mothers' and fathers' behaviour patterns and love languages will be examples for the child to copy and normalize.
This rock is still very special. It was the second time I visited this magical place: watched the sunset in 2017 and now the sunrise in 2022. It's hard to find words for it. If you come here, you just know. It's like you can feel a powerful connection to everything that was and that will be. Sublime. Trust. Peace within. I met a guy who spent the night at the foot of the rock and he told me that he had a moment during the night when he just cried and then he was led to hug the rock. He made coffee for us and we chatted for a good half an hour during which I started to feel I could shed some tears too. Something touched me. Then Peter (in the picture next to me) and I stayed here for another hour and felt so much peace and appreciation. When I was up here I felt I could let go of the idea of staying on the islands much longer. I had been hesitating for a while about what to do because I was financially very tight and I didn't find good opportunities for work or volunteering. When I was up here, I saw clearer and I could make peace with the idea of saying goodbye to the Canaries.
Hostel life & hostel buddies
Spending some nights in the hostel in Las Palmas was the best thing that happened to me this summer next to the hike to Roque Nublo. I was finally surrounded by people who were fun and like-minded. It was sooooo good to socialize finally! I was so done with being alone and working for people who create separation and distance! Here we were travellers and volunteers from around the world, sharing our stories and up for adventures. There was a lot of heart to this place, I loved the vibration! I felt I belonged.
One day the five of us rented a car and did a full circle around the island. First, we wanted to see a waterfall and hiked in a rocky valley until we found out that there was no water in the area. The sun had dried it up. Then we drove to Amadores beach for a swim and then to the sand dunes where the two of us sneaked into a fancy hotel to use the toilet. The nearest bathroom we found was at the back of the building behind the outdoor pool. Now that we ended up there, we jumped in the pool as well and dried ourselves on the sunchairs with confidence like we were hotel guests. It was cheeky and fun. :) After that, we drove back to Las Palmas and dropped one of the girls off at the ferry port, who was leaving for Fuerteventura, and the rest of us headed back to the hostel.
I was heartbroken to leave this place in early August. It was very hard to let go. I am still processing the changes.