Ego is me. Soul is we.

Long Time No Write...

For a long time, I've been wanting to write a follow-up post, but I’ve been fully focused on my studies and simply haven't had the brain capacity to sit down and type... or maybe I’m just looking for excuses. I crave time away from the screen — since I study online, I already spend endless hours in front of my laptop, which, I admit, I don't enjoy. I prefer spending less time indoors and more time out in nature, moving my body, and connecting with people and animals whenever possible.

Lately, I’ve also been feeling a lack of inspiration to write. Winter hits me hard. I’m a summer girl ☀️, and the dark, cold winters in Hungary knock the life out of me. I’ve become one of those zombies — a pale, confused creature (am I dead or alive?) wandering around with a clouded mind. Not dangerous, just... slow. I’m not even hungry in Hungary. I guess my energy levels have dropped, too. By now, I’ve completely lost my tan and faded into one with the old white walls. It feels like my heart has stopped. But of course, it hasn’t.

However, I have developed a stubborn tightness in my neck and a small tangible lump on the right side (the masculine side) of my neck. The tightness started around mid to late October and has gradually worsened. There are several reasons I think this might have developed:

1. Yoga strain – Some yoga poses I regularly practice, like the unsupported candle pose with arms stretched on the floor and headstands, might have put too much strain on my neck.

2. New sitting posture – After moving to a new living environment and adjusting to different study habits at the desk, my posture has changed.

3. Public speaking tension – I felt nervous for a couple of weeks leading up to a travel event in November where I spoke about my journey through the Canary Islands.

4. Lingering bacterial infection – Maybe an old cold didn’t clear out properly and left some residue in my system.

5. Dust and dry air – The heating in my room stirs up a lot of dry, dusty air that dries out my mouth, skin, and messes with my health.

6. Unspoken truth – It could be my body's way of signalling that I need to speak up and share what’s within me.

7. Twin flame connection – Maybe my twin has been wanting to communicate and I’ve picked up on his fear, which manifested physically. Even though I feel like I’m over it, "twin flame experts" say the connection never fully ends, and you can continue to feel each other’s energy.

   
   

Anyway, I’ve observed my feelings around it and I can honestly say: yes, I still crave that soul-nourishing connection, that feeling of belonging, home, and unconditional love — but I don’t see it happening with him (the man I think my TF is). And that’s good news! It means I’ve finally graduated from emotionally unavailable, wounded men, and I’m ready to let someone new in.

And actually... I did meet someone new. 🌟 It’s still very early days, so we’ll see if we’re heading in the same direction.

I am going to have my neck checked anyway. I worry now that I googled my symptoms and of course cancer popped up on the screen. Although, I am hoping that some massage would be enough to release my stubborn condition. As soon as I finish my last assignment, (yes, I am nearing the end of my exams!) I'll reward myself with a spa ticket and a deep tissue massage. That is the only way I get human touch in the lack of loving people around me. Human touch is important for survival. How sad that it is not a natural part of my life but I have to pay for it. Animals can help too by the way. Animals have the purest vibration because they lack egos, that's why they are healers. I wish I had cats! I love them around me!

Somebody posted this EGO VS SOUL image on Instagram that I saved to be able to share it with you. Beautifully written lines. I can't find the creator of the image so in case, it's your work, please contact me and I'll tag you.

How Can We Avoid Contact with Ego-Centric People?

I don’t think it’s possible to completely lock them out of our lives. If you are a growing soul (as we all are meant to be), you will inevitably encounter them at times to learn important lessons. And if you are a lightworker, you may even find yourself continuously pushed into their path—may not for the reason to change them, but simply to be a lesson for them through your presence and actions.

Since we have the freedom of choice, we can decide how to act and react in every situation. The lessons we are meant to give or receive in certain encounters are ours to accept or walk away from. However, it is never our responsibility to ensure that someone else learns their lesson. We can only offer choices and continue walking our path, with or without them. These experiences also teach us an important lesson in letting go of control—because we cannot control another person. We must trust that everyone is doing their best in their own way. Beyond that, it is no longer our concern.

Some people cross our paths because they need inspiration or answers. Others come into our lives because they need a lesson. I believe that when a lesson appears, it means you are ready to learn it—you are ready to grow. However, not everyone recognizes these opportunities. Some people resist change, retreating to their familiar, comfortable patterns. And in doing so, they allow their ego to silence their soul, keeping themselves stuck in place.

Not everybody wants to grow and we have to accept that.

I reflected on my experience with the Danish family where I worked over the summer, asking myself, "What could I have done better?" But I dropped the question as soon as I came across the "EGO vs SOUL" image. The answer became clear: NOTHING.

It’s such a typical, conditioned behaviour in women—to internalize, overanalyze, and blame ourselves when we are disrespected or hurt by men. But the truth is: NO, NO, NO, and NO! We don't have to feel this way. We can unlearn these behaviour patterns and live an emotionally independent and confident life.

Soon after I arrived in Budapest, I started working for a foreign family, looking after their toddler. My main contact was the child's mother, as the father worked very long hours and was rarely around. She didn’t like my salary expectations and had hoped to pay less. At first, they hired someone else whose hourly rate was lower, but eventually, they called me back to negotiate because things hadn’t worked out with the other nanny.

From the start, every week, I was paid less than what we had agreed upon. I pointed it out gently, giving them the benefit of the doubt, assuming it was just an unintentional "miscalculation." However, other issues started piling up. I didn’t like that the mother never tidied up after herself in the kitchen, leaving no clean pans for me to cook with. The floor and the feeding chair were often messy with food bits and spilled liquids, and she seemed to expect me to clean up after her.

But nannies are not hired to clean up after the parents. That’s what cleaners are for. I believe in leaving a place the way I find it when I arrive — it's a matter of mutual respect. I’m responsible for tidying up after myself and the child during my care hours, not for cleaning up after the adults. I find it disrespectful when parents dump their dirty work on me. After all, this is my workplace — and just like anyone else, I deserve a clean, respectful working environment. I’m sure they wouldn’t want to start their own workday by cleaning their coworkers' desks either.

The last straw for me was when the mother pulled my wages from her pocket and threw the crumpled notes onto the table, instead of handing them to me respectfully, perhaps counting it with me to avoid yet another "miscalculation." Was it really too much to ask to be treated with basic dignity? To be treated the way she would want to be treated?

So I quit without guilt after four weeks.

What is it?

Lack of maturity? Wild ego? Wounded adults using control and authority instead of practicing love and compassion?

Why are they so ungrateful?

I met five families (all different nationalities) in Budapest who live in top locations — some for free, thanks to company perks like fully paid flats, cars, and parking spaces; others because they simply can afford luxurious houses on the green hills of Buda, with fingerprint entry, multiple cars, and floor heating. Their children attend private international schools. Three out of the five families were offering to pay me from their foreign salaries, which are at least double the Hungarian average.

Yet they still tried to underpay me. And mind you, they weren't paying taxes, insurance, rent, bills, or transportation costs for me — all of which I had to cover myself from the low, "under-the-table" wage they offered.

Does that sound right to anyone? What am I missing here?

Lately, I’ve been re-reading The Purpose of Your Life by Carol Adrienne, and a particular quote stuck with me: "If we have a desire, let's say, to be a musician, it is the universe's desire to express music through us. It's a thought-form that is intended to be fulfilled through us."

I realized that what was happening to me in autumn was a misalignment between what I truly wanted and what I was forcing myself to do. So one day, I sat down and listed my true desires — what I actually wanted to get out of my next job — and it became very clear: these needs were not aligned with the nanny jobs available in Budapest.

It had worked well for me in the UK, but Hungary is not the UK, and I needed to adapt to new social and cultural realities.

According to Emily Carr, there are five stages of culture shock:

1. Honeymoon stage – When everything about the new culture feels strange and exciting.

2. Rejection stage – When tiredness sets in, and we miss our homeland; small problems feel overwhelming.

3. Adjustment stage – When we begin to realize things aren’t so bad in the host culture.

4. At ease at last – When we finally feel comfortable in our new surroundings and we can cope with most problems that occur.

5. Reverse culture shock – Surprisingly, this occurs when you go back to your native culture and find that you have changed and that things there have changed while you have been away. Now you feel a little uncomfortable back home.

   
   

That's what I’ve got for now.

Until next time!

♡