Preparing to let go
W H E N Y O U L E T G O, S O M E T H I G S T A R T S T O S H I F T
How did I prepare to let go?
The feeling of the need to change and move on was so strong within me that I could not ignore it.
I approached the feeling with curiosity and interest as if it was an unknown subject. I threw a bunch of questions at it, tried to connect with it, and examine it. For example, I asked: Why are you here? What can I do for you? Why do I feel the way I feel? I needed to be honest with myself and explain in detail how I really felt. And what I really felt was unhappy, lonely, disinterested, imbalanced, disconnected, lost, tired, etc. And then I went deeper into it... "Why do I feel tired? What makes me feel lonely? What exactly am I disconnected from? etc." I played it all in my head putting the puzzle pieces together. In this case, I was the puzzle that needed to be worked on and the answers followed within minutes. Some answers and realizations came later, in fact, they may still be arriving now after 6 months but I'd say within a week I had enough to know what I don't want. Then I started to play with ideas of what I wanted. I worded feelings I wanted to have and come up with solutions for how I can create these feelings for myself (e.g. listening to Howard Stern interviews, watching a twin flame reading, going to my favourite market, go for jogging, reaching out to one of my close friends, etc.) then I put these ideas into actions to experience any change. Anyways, this time I knew it was something deeper going on, something connected to my twin and I felt a cycle finished. I actually felt that two cycles were finished: a bigger cycle with my life journey and a smaller cycle with my twin flame journey. The universe created a situation for me where I felt I wasn't quite myself which helped me to grow, and make changes to propel me forward toward something better which is still in the process. All together facing my feelings and deciding to let go of the things that held me together (the safe, comfortable but unhealthy, bitter things) took about 4 months.
To sum up How I prepared to let go?
1. Emotional observation: recognise the feelings/ emotions; don't oppress! Welcome the feelings, give them attention
2. Mental work: examine the feelings with brutal honesty; think about what caused them (putting the puzzle pieces together)
3. Physical input: make the effort; put ideas regarding change into action; don't let fear in! just do it!
Anyways. Once I made the decision of leaving I was sticking to it. Only my twin could have changed things around but as I said earlier he was not ready and I love him for admitting it to me (he did say in a message that he was not ready to open up). We are starting a new chapter/ a new cycle with me not being around him in the 3D.
I know 'letting go' does not necessarily mean letting go in a physical. Especially in the twin flame connection 'let go' is more connected to control, chasing, and expectations. You just have to stop thinking of your twin, and what they are up to and let go of thinking of what can you do to make them come your way. Just let them be and trust they will come to you when they have figured out themselves. Similar to a parent-child connection. Parents let the children go to experience and learn from their mistakes and children always find their way home. :)
Give it to the hand of the universe. I know it is hard to surrender when your instinct dictates the other way. (It is hard to let children go as a parent you want to be part of their experience but you can't be there for them all the time. There are things they need to go through with by themselves and figure it out.) I have gone through with that too. 😜 The love you feel for your twin is not going anywhere. Letting go does not mean giving up on them.
The feeling of 'letting go' happens naturally. Don't force it if you are not at that stage yet. In fact, every detail unfolds naturally in divine timing so don't look for them! Always take notice of your feelings because this connection is truly based on feelings. You should feel what step you are guided to take and the time when you are ready to take it. Just trust. :)
Find a distraction for yourself to make the process easier to adapt. Distractions that are positive, nurturing, and uplifting help you to rise to a higher vibration. Depending on your personality start diving in to things you enjoy doing, things that you are interested in trying and things that make you feel happy/ curious. e.g. enrol a dance class, do some art, watch a funny movie, listen to inspiring music, reward yourself with a massage, go for a random trip to the country or whatever that may be. Good to find something that is ongoing or the mix of several new experiences as one occasion may only last for a few days then you find yourself back thinking of your twin again. Keep the nurturing distractions up!
I choose travelling as distraction (and also to do my writing!) because the environment I lived in London affected me in a very negative way from which I needed a change. I also felt I just needed to be further away from my twin in the physical otherwise I keep secretly wishing him to spend some time with me because I had noone other around me I connected with on a soul level which made me feel very lonely. However you don't have to move physically to experience 'let go'. If you have your friends, your family around you who you trust and make you feel loved, you may not feel the need for a change. Stay tuned with your feelings. The 'let go' experience may be different for all of us.
What else did I do in the physical preparation to let go?
I got rid of my unwanted belongings. Some of them I sold, some of them I sent back to my parents' place and some of them I donated to charities and friends. I said yes to working extra hours and saved up as much money as I could. I felt safe hitting the road with £300preparation0 so I asked the angels £3000 and I had £3000 more or less when I left. I cleaned up and organised the folders in my computer plus freed some space up. I took the time and unsubscribed from all mailing lists I kept up with from time to time as they served my creative interest in London but would not serve me on my new journey. I also updated my technical equipment and bought new extra parts to add to the smooth and fast running of them.
These are the technical stuff I travel with + my phone!
I also needed to find a replacement tenant which was not the best timing in mid-summer as most people try to save up for their holiday instead of investing in moving but I trusted and I found someone, yeay!
My room before and after
I went to the dentist for a last check-up and teeth cleaning. I also went to the hair stylist to even out the tones in my hair in a way that would look nice when the roots grow down as I don't want to deal with my hair while I am away. When I got home I realised that my hair looked the same way it looked almost 2 years ago when I met my twin and I connected this experience with the feeling of "a cycle has finished". I feel I did everything in my power I was guided to do for us and now it is his turn to do what he is guided to do for the connection. I give it to the hands of the Universe. If the world, the Earth, and humanity really need us to be together then the universe needs to work on him and kick his ass to make efforts for our union. I am taking a well-deserved break after my long hard work. Sunshine reggae. :)
I am not giving any more of my feelings and attention to my twin until he opens up and communicates! The sharing should be mutual. Nobody wants to work for years without a salary! ~ Ooo..I think this is my ego speaking here...~
And that nobody is actually me! I did work for many years for free as a fashion assistant but the difference was that it did not feel like work to me. I felt the experience itself was the reward. I absolutely loved doing what I was doing and my CV looked amazing with being filled with all the roles I worked in the industry! So that was my salary. In the Twin Flame connection, I don't see my "salary" yet. I don't enjoy the experience. It is funny because I observe similarities between the fashion industry and the Twin Flame journey which are the experience of rejection, lies, lack of loyalty, ungratefulness, and the feeling of being taken advantage of. But the difference is that my twin is doing it against my soul whereas, in the fashion industry, it was done against everybody on a superficial level. The drama people create in fashion was not real. It seemed more like a theatre (no offence!). But the TF journey is real. It is a saint.
So I was there for my twin in 5D and in 3D (whenever he allowed me) with my heart and support for him and I can let go now. Or at least have a break! :) So funny! It is amazing how it is shaping with the little signs and details! Anyway, I felt somewhat more connected to my twin in the last few weeks before I travelled. I felt as if he was coming closer. Not in 3D though. I mean I did not have evidence of him coming closer in the 3D. And later on a listened to a TF reading on youtube in which the masculine was charging forward. :) So cool! And I wondered if I felt a cycle was finished then he should have felt it too and he might be in touch with me then. And the next day he texted me!! ❤️
I find it very interesting that he denies his soul yet let it direct him...at least sometimes. I wonder if that is true that he can hear me in 5D and if so, in what form he connects that experience to me? And how come he can hear me and I can't hear him? Apparently the unawakened twin can hear the awakened twin but it does not work the other way..
What else did I do?
I visited my favourite places: Columbia Flower Market, Brick Lane, Shoreditch High Street on the last sunny Sunday and had a feel-good day! Below is a short video of my Brick Lane walk. If you listen carefully, you'll hear a "coincidental" message "You can get it, if you really want it"!!!!!!!!!! :)
As I was preparing to leave the old behind I shifted the focus from my twin connection back to myself and to my "to-do list" so I gently adapted to the letting go feeling gradually. The children I looked after also prepared me ~without their conscious choice~ for a 2-week-period of time in July they turned back to listen to the Frozen soundtracks on and on and of course what hit my ears out of all the songs was the most famous "Letting go". I also watched the movie with them and -you can laugh- it made me cry a little. Isn't it a twin flame story? I am Anna shut out from Elsa's life (my twin) because of her fears. But Anna doesn't give up on the connection. She trusts and keeps going until eventually she breaks the ice with her heart. :)
Thank you for reading!
Until next time ♡